Though the calling is big … the caller is bigger

When you say, "God, this is too big. I can't do it." ~ Listen for a still small voice to whisper, "Good, I can."

On a warm May night, 1300 miles from home, I heard a speaker recount his call to establish a church building ministry in India.

The scope was huge and he recalled praying, God, this is too big. I can’t do this.”
He said he heard a still small voice reply, “Good, I can.”

He went on to tell of lessons he learned in that experience of following a call much larger than himself. Two stood out to me like they had been bathed in a spotlight:

1. “If you tell people your vision and they don’t laugh, your vision isn’t big enough.”
2. “All of life is about scaling cliffs, but moving with God means you’ll never climb alone.”

I sat there thinking, My vision isn’t big enough.”
And then I told God, “Whatever you want from me, I will do it. I just want to know where you want me. PLEASE speak!”

Following a Vision

Fast-forward a couple of months and we had moved 1300 miles to live in the city where I heard those words.

Many back home thought we had lost our minds. But we knew we were supposed to go.

We had a “Go and I’ll show the rest when you get there” kind of call. (I quoted Genesis 12:1 often.)

It was an exhilarating time — one of those rare moments in life when you see evidence of God directing your steps.

Every detail lined up and everywhere we turned we saw His answer to prayer.

Scaling Cliffs and Falling Down

It turned out that although following the call was exciting, fulfilling the call was exhausting.
Leaving the flatlands of Texas for the foothills in Virginia, we began to understand the climbing analogy on a whole new level.
Life seemed to always be uphill.

The next few years were a test of endurance and we sometimes wondered if we had indeed heard God correctly.
Just when I thought I had finished climbing hills and scaling cliffs, I fell back to the bottom of the mountain.
Or more specifically, I fell to the bottom of my stairs at home.

Exactly three years from the night of my prayer, “Use me,” I lay in a whole new state of seemingly “unusable.”

Broken bones. Emergency surgery. Setbacks and a long recovery.
As I watched opportunities slip out of my hands, my heart followed my flesh to the bottom of the mountain.
And there I stayed for a while, begging to understand, questioning God’s timing, and feeling forgotten, broken, and useless.

I learned much in that valley at the bottom of the cliff.
But this post isn’t about those lessons. No, I share here for a much different reason.

Never Alone

I share here to say: In God’s economy nothing is wasted.
I share here to say: If you are wondering if He can and will still use you, the answer is YES.
I share here to say: It may just be your pain and your struggle that gives birth to your most effective ministry yet.

That is what happened for me.

As I began to limp out of the darkness and write about the struggle, I noticed some fellow travelers were limping behind and beside me.

As I rubbed my scars and recounted the Healer’s touch, others came near to listen, viewing those wounds as credentials and opening the door for me to speak truth.

My eyes were opened and I saw that I had never walked alone. And perhaps even more importantly: He still had a calling for me to fulfill.

If you still have breath, He still has a purpose for you fulfill

Have you just left one season of life and are struggling to find your purpose in another?
Do you have past failures or recent falls that have seemingly had the final say?
Are you waiting in winter with no sign of spring?

Take heart, dear friend.
God can and will redeem it all.
Beauty from ashes. New mercies. Renewed vision.

That setback is just a set-up for Him to reveal Himself in a deeper way than you ever knew before.
It is not over. He is not done.
If you still have breath, He still has a purpose for you to fulfill.

The waiting is not easy, but it will be worth it.
And if along this journey you find yourself crying, “God, this is too much. I can’t do it myself,” listen for that still small voice to whisper back: “Good. I can.”

15 comments

  1. Lori Schumaker says:

    Christi,
    I admire your obedience to the call and I admire your tenacity to see it through recognizing that God is even bigger than the call! Your story reminds me of our adoption story. Because our story was so much more difficult than we could have ever imagined, we hit deep deep lows where I questioned if I’d heard that call correctly. Even now as we continue to search and work toward healing, I cry out to God often. Although it is still very difficult, I see all that God is doing through this journey.
    Thank you!
    Blessings and smiles,
    Lori
    Lori Schumaker recently posted…Creating an Atmosphere of Healing {Series}: Betrayal and RevengeMy Profile

    • Christi Gee (@ChristiLGee) says:

      Lori, I’m seeing your name in places around the web. What an encourager and speaker of life you are!

      You and I could sit and swap stories it sounds like. The calling was exhilarating but fulfilling the call was exhausting. And yes, the enemy capitalized on that to say, “Did God really say?”

      I am so sorry for what part of your story is still producing pain and the need to cry out. Hold on, sweet sister. Your story will become someone else’s lifeline as you tell of God’s faithfulness through your trial.

      Thank you for blessing me with your words!
      Christi Gee (@ChristiLGee) recently posted…What you might not know about helping a hurting friendMy Profile

  2. Blake Wolf says:

    Christi, thank you for this most encouraging word—heartfelt and beautifully focused on perseverance and trust in the Lord.

    • Christi Gee (@ChristiLGee) says:

      I am so sorry for your trying season. You sound like you are preaching truth to yourself and I promise eventually the artery between the truth in your head and the hope your heart needs will be reestablished.

      I’ve learned that knowing the truth and feeling the truth are two different things. That’s one of the reasons we need each other to tell our stories and remind us of our faithful Father.

      Whatever your pain is, it won’t be wasted. I’m living proof. Thank you for being here.
      Christi Gee (@ChristiLGee) recently posted…Sadness is not the enemy of Joy ~ Inside OutMy Profile

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